Travel One Liners

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There is no legitimate reason for a travel agent to need to know if you have experience in jungle warfare.

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One night a jet flew a little bit too close to my house. I was walking from the living room to the kitchen, and the stewardess told me to sit down.

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If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

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If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, why do they keep abducting the dumbest people on Earth?

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It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.

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The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.

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It is impossible to come back from one’s journey; there’s always someone else coming back.

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Travel is very educational. I can now ask for “Kaopectate” in seven different languages.

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To many people holidays are not voyages of discovery, but a ritual of reassurance.

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If God had really intended men to fly, he’d make it easier to get to the airport.

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There are three critical states of human life: illness, captivity and travel.

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We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour

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If God had meant us to travel economy class, he would have made us narrower.

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Don’t tell me how educated you are, tell me how much you have traveled.

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Air travel: Breakfast in London, dinner in New York, luggage in Brazil.