Airplane One Liners

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‘Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.’

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“Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. In the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments.”

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Do pilots take crash-courses?

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Pilot: “Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane.

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“As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children.

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From the pilot during his welcome message: “We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately none of them are on this flight.”

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Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.

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Thank you for flying West Jet Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.

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If the “black box” flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

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‘When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.’

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‘If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter — and therefore, unsafe.’

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There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.

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‘If you hear me yell;”Eject, Eject, Eject!”, the last two will be echos.’

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“Please dont hang any body parts outside of the aircraft”

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You know it’s a no frills airline when the Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.