Diet One Liners

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Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet.

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Dieting is wishful shrinking.

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Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out,but I can usually sedate her with four or five cupcakes.

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The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day, you’re off of it.

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The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

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Only eat things that have been broken into pieces; that way, all the calories fall out.

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Cookie pieces contain no fat — the process of breaking causes fat leakage.

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I’m an expert at multitasking. I can cheat on six diets at the same time!

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Why do people order a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a diet soda?

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Equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is a balanced diet.

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If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

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A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight.

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If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

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My wife is on a well-known diet plan… so far she’s lost $300.

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A seafood diet is the best: whenever you see food, eat it.