Doctor One Liners

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A man goes to a psychiatrist. “Nobody listens to me!” The doctor says, “Next!”

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An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.

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My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I’ve only been jogging once and feel ten years older already.

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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

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A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

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I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

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You’re old when you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

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Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor’s office is full of portraits by Picasso.

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute then forget the fruit!

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The Doctor says, “You’ll live to be 60!” “I AM 60!” “See, what did I tell you?”

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I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know why those doctors were wearing masks.

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But an onion a day keeps everyone away.

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When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

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The patient says, “Doctor, it hurts when I do this.” “Then don’t do that!”

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9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.