A man goes to a psychiatrist. “Nobody listens to me!” The doctor says, “Next!”
Doctor One Liners
An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I’ve only been jogging once and feel ten years older already.
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.
I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
You’re old when you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor’s office is full of portraits by Picasso.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute then forget the fruit!
The Doctor says, “You’ll live to be 60!” “I AM 60!” “See, what did I tell you?”
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know why those doctors were wearing masks.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But an onion a day keeps everyone away.
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
The patient says, “Doctor, it hurts when I do this.” “Then don’t do that!”
9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.