My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.
Funny One Liners
No one ever complained of parachute not opening
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
I’m so great, i’m jealous of myself
One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
I may be driving slow, but I’m in front of you.
If you have trouble getting your children’s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
Relatives are people who come to dinner who aren’t friends
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Money isn’t everything…. there’s credit cards, money orders, and traveler’s checks.
A world without war; a dream to some, a nightmare to the arms manufacturers.
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot
There are more men than women in mental hospitals… which just goes to show who’s driving whom crazy.