Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?… He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren’t met.
Lawyer One Liners
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
If you laid all of the lawyers in the world, end to end, on the equator — It would be a good idea to just leave them there.
Lawyers are safe from the threat of automation taking over their profession. No one would build a robot to do nothing.
Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig: after a while you realize that the pig is at home in the mud.
It’s not a shortage of judges that causes the problems in our courts; it’s the excess of lawyers.
Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick skinned, short-sighted, and always ready to charge.
A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth of law for $5 and ends giving $5 worth for $500.
There are two kinds of lawyers — those who know the law and those who know the judge.
Animals aren’t as stupid as people think: after all, they don’t have any lawyers.
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers.
No artist ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth.
A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer
Everybody in my family follows the medical profession. They’re all lawyers.”