The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
Theory of relativity: the more relatives are visiting you, the slower the time passes.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
The trouble with bucket seats is not everybody has the same size bucket.
The trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing more important to do.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
Too many clicks spoil the browse.
The tongue weighs practically nothing, but so few people can hold it.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
They’re only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
They told me I was gullible … and I believed them!
There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrong.
There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.
There are always death and taxes; however, death doesn’t get worse every year.
Televangelists: The pro wrestlers of religion.
Taxation WITH representation isn’t so hot, either!