Baby One Liners

+2

When I was a baby, I kept a diary. I was reading it and it said: day one, still tired from the move. Day two, everybody talks to me like I’m an idiot.

+2

My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

+2

The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.

+2

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

0

Laughter is like changing a baby’s diaper. It doesn’t permanently solve any problems, but it makes thing more acceptable for a while.

0

A baby: A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.

0

Every 4 seconds a woman has a baby. We must find this woman and stop her.

0

Anyone who says “Easy as taking candy from a baby” has never tried it.

0

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

0

Those who say they “sleep like a baby”, haven’t got one.

-1

Baby-sitter: a teenager acting like an adult, while the adults are out acting like teenagers.