When I was a baby, I kept a diary. I was reading it and it said: day one, still tired from the move. Day two, everybody talks to me like I’m an idiot.
Baby One Liners
My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
Laughter is like changing a baby’s diaper. It doesn’t permanently solve any problems, but it makes thing more acceptable for a while.
A baby: A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
Every 4 seconds a woman has a baby. We must find this woman and stop her.
Anyone who says “Easy as taking candy from a baby” has never tried it.
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
Those who say they “sleep like a baby”, haven’t got one.
Baby-sitter: a teenager acting like an adult, while the adults are out acting like teenagers.