I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn’t have the heart to let him down.

One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age.

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.

When you are about 35 years old, something terrible always happens to music.

When I was in high school, a “drive-by shooting” meant someone had their rear end hanging out a car window!

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

My friend just got a trophy wife… must not have been first place.

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

Middle age is when we can do just as much as ever – but would rather not.

There are no old people nowadays; they are either ‘wonderful for their age’ or dead.

The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate’ … for me that would be a shroud.

Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else… and usually is.

Old age is like learning a new profession; and not one of your own choosing.

This wasn’t just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible, this was terrible with raisins in it.

A poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child.

The greatest problem about old age is the fear that it may go on too long.

When I was young I used to think that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old, I know it is.

Younger and younger, our children are seeing the sippy-cup as half empty.

It is better to waste one’s youth than to do nothing with it at all.