Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

My wife complained about not being wanted, so I went to the post office and put up her picture.

A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue

This is an age in which one cannot find common sense without a search warrant.

One of the weaknesses of our age is our apparent inability to distinguish our needs from our greeds.

The freethinking of one age is the common sense of the next.

One of the worst things that can happen in life is to win a bet on a horse at an early age.

To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough to make me ambitious.

The President has a wonderful sense of humor, which is one of the reasons it is so much fun to work for him.

Old age is just a record of one’s whole life.

It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor.

One of the great things personally coming to Hawai’i is my friendship of Jim Nicholson.

One hour of right-down love is worth an age of dully living on.

And it really pisses Peter and Micky off when I get onto one of those tangents where I start to do humor.

One of the things that binds us as a family is a shared sense of humor.

It is difficult to obtain the friendship of a cat. It is a philosophical animal… one that does not place its affections thoughtlessly.

Humor can be one of our best survival tools.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.